i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
