i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
