I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
