Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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