so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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