Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
