why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
