Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
