& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
