No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
