I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
