your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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