Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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