Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize