Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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