I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
