Your dad touched me again.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm really busy with my period
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
