Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize