I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
only if we run a train.
done.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
