i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
