Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
