The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
