you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
