my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
