Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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