The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
