ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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