did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
