dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
