We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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