Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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