she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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