Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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