She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
