i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
