you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
