Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
