I cockslap morals
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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