Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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