if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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