How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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