He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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