I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
