His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize