Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
