I'm going to jail i love you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
