you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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