i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
