Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
