We should be called the Road Head Warriors
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
