Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
