I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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