roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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