you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
