I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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