so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
