You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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