i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
