He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
