i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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