i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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