Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
