Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
