WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
