new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
fuck your aforementioned shoe
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
