I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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