Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
