she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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