I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
