U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
