I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize