I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
