We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I forget how to act sober
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
