Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
