wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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