You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
