I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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