so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
