I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
