Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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