can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
