Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
