Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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