i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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