I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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