I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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