i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
home. puking in laundry basket.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
