On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize