K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
