You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
