I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
sex in a hospital.. check
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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