You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
