well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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