we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you will always have a special place in my vag
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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