Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you would pick up someone in the library
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
