i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
