Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
