so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
this is an emotional support booty call
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
