He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
