I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
