Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
