I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
