my mouth tastes like poor choices
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
