you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
