sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize