I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
