I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
